I smiled grudgingly as my dear friend looked at me. I wanted to mouth the words that were spilling out of her mouth because I had heard them a hundred times before from well-meaning friends. "My kids do that, too," she said reassuringly. Face plant. I have been BLESSED with incredibly sweet, supportive, patient friends!… Continue reading Some Things Adoptive Parents HATE to Hear
The ads show children and parents embracing, reading books together, playing tag, and holding puppies. No one warns you about the fighting, the tantrums, the indescribable soulful exhaustion. It's not even nine in the morning yet and my head feels like it is split open, the result of yelling screaming, crying, and just trying to… Continue reading Loneliness in Adoption
I am wrestling; struggling in my soul to find a way to get out of bed and face another day. Things have been exhausting. This week we sent LB to camp, hoping to get a bit of a break, only to have her have to come back home early. She bullied fellow campers, stole money,… Continue reading Strength in weakness
I will be honest with you, brutally, because I don't feel like it helps anyone to sugarcoat things. I am writing to help other parents to acknowledge "I get it" and "you're not alone" and "some days, you don't feel like you can do it anymore". The last few weeks, I've repeated over and over that I couldn't do this another day, another moment. Some days, I don't know how to be her mom. I don't know how to love her and hug her and encourage her when she twists my efforts to manipulate, dominate and control. I don't know how to feed her, teach her, spend time with her without feeling defeated. With RADs, love really isn't enough.
I wake up each and every morning with a to-do list already typed into my brain; all I need to accomplish to count the day successful. I wake up with confidence and motivation and collapse into bed at the end of the day with a mushy brain, a body spent, and the new list in my head is one of regrets.
Support For Adoptive Parents 